My Fellow Ga(Y)te-keepers

Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense. - Lord Buddha

Wednesday 07 October 2009

HOW TO MAKE LOVE...



INGREDIENTS:
4 Laughing eyes
4 Well-shaped legs
4 Loving arms
2 Firm milk containers
4 Nuts
1 Fur-lined mixing bowl
2 Firm bananas


DIRECTIONS:
1. Look into laughing eyes.
2. Spread well-shaped legs with loving arms.
3. Squeeze and massage milk containers very gently.
4. Gently add firm banana to mixing bowl, working in and out until well
creamed. For best results continue to knead milk containers.
5. As heat rises, plunge banana deep into mixing bowl and cover with
nuts, leave to soak (preferably NOT overnight).
6. The cake is done when banana is soft. If banana does not soften,
repeat steps 3-5 or change mixing bowls.

NOTES:
1. If you are in an unfamiliar kitchen, wash utensils carefully before
and after use!
2. Do not lick mixing bowl after use.
3. If cake rises, call the bible and report another miracle!





Tuesday 06 October 2009

DESPELLING DRAMA...



There are scores of people in the world who seem to be magnets for calamity. They live their lives jumping from one difficult to the next, surrounded by unstable individuals. Some believe themselves victims of fate and decry a universe they regard as malicious. While others view their chaotic circumstances as just punishments for some failing within. Yet, in truth, neither group has been fated or consigned to suffer. They are likely unconsciously drawing drama into their lives, attracting catastrophe through their choices, attitudes, and patterns of thought. Drama, however disastrous, can be exciting and stimulating. But the thrill of pandemonium eventually begins to frustrate the soul and drain the energy of all who embrace it. To halt this process, we must understand the root of our drama addiction, be aware of our reactions, and be willing to accept that a serene, joyful life need not be a boring one. Many people, so used to living in the dramatic world they create, feel uncomfortable when confronted with the prospect of a lifetime of peace and contentment. The drama in their lives serves multiple purposes. Upset causes excitement, prompting the body to manufacture adrenaline, which produces a pleasurable surge of energy. For those seeking affection in the form of sympathy, drama forms the basis of their identity as a victim. And when drama is familiar, many people believe they can avoid abandonment by continuing to play a key role in the established family dynamic. The addiction to drama is fed by the intensity of the feelings evoked during bouts of conflict, periods of uncertainty, and upheaval. Understanding where the subconscious need for drama stems from is the key to addressing it effectively. Journaling can help you transfer this need from your mind onto a benign piece of paper. After repeated writing sessions, your feelings regarding the mayhem, hurt feelings, and confusion often associated with drama become clear. When you confront your emotional response to drama and the purpose it serves in your life, you can reject it. Each time you consciously choose not to take part in dramatic situations or associate with dramatic people, you create space in your inner being that is filled with a calm and tranquil stillness and becomes an asset in your quest to lead a more centered life.




Monday 05 October 2009

MY SOUL LOOKS BACK…THE MAN I WAS, THE MAN I AM…



REMEMBER TO FIGHT THAT GOOD FIGHT
My life story: Mental Accessibility Denied
I wont be bound by my own mental prison transforming myself into what you envision
How I live my life was suppose to be my decision
Now regaining control is now my inner mission
Folks who weren’t healed chose my innocence to steal
Now their and my own issues I’m forced with to deal
Looking through my eyes you wouldn’t believe what I’ve seen is real
Yet everybody but no one knows how I feel
I refuse to give in to the past hurt manifesting within
A life of homosexuality isn’t what I’m suppose to be in
To break free of societies chains that bind me I need to seek a POWER in two direction Both above and within me!!!!
JUST SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT WHEN LIFE GETS YOU @ THE END OF YOUR ROPE REMEMBER...NEVER GIVE UP


It is said that, “Vision is the ability to see the future through the past,” and my story has shown me that NOTHING happens without a purpose and though I may never understand fully the significance of my experiences, I am in a place where I can appreciate that they indeed took place. My story taught me about life because it exposed me to something unfamiliar, and it showed me that conflict is an unavoidable part of life. I’ve learned that pain is a fact of being and one that permeates all our lives to some degree; and for most gay men NO pain hurts more than COMING OUT. The path that speeds us toward life can be a challenging and complex one, so it’s easy to get bogged down in confusion and insecurities. We often hesitate at the start of that path, questioning our purpose or our capabilities. So imagine trying to do this while being gay? For better or worse, much of the world we experience is dominated and controlled by human beings…if we let them direct our lives…

I FIRMLY believe that EVERY person that passed through my life made a contribution to my story that changed AND shaped me forever. I learned SO much about who I was and who I am to this VERY day; and even though none of these persons are in my life today, I still am grateful that they came…For my story is one of many and we are all held as slaves to our sexuality until we find our voice and say NO MAS! We are NO more flawed than anyone else on this planet and my aunt, uncle AND my first job showed me this. Their HATRED tried to rob me of MY humanity AND gave me nothing but PAIN. For a long time I believed that something was wrong with me. How could it not…right? Of course you know that I don’t believe this to be the case. In fact I hope that EVERY gay person on this planet is developing a HEALTHY view of themselves despite what the world says. I’ve found that having a healthy view of one’s self CANNOT start from any so-called religious teaching OR concept. Spiritual atonement will come as soon WE let go of all that they put on us which are the lies AND psychological manipulation to damage our minds.

I found the process of presenting my story SO therapeutic because it allowed me to see that my life is defined by the decisions I make each day; and ultimately, only I can know how the options before me will impact my daily life AND long-term well-being. Within me lies the power to competently take control of who I am and who I will be. NEVER again will I allow my aunt to make me feel like HER GOD doesn’t consider me…NEVER again will I allow my uncle who has his own closet to protect, to make me feel pain because of his inability to be himself. You see I found out about my uncle’s sexual behavior when I befriended one of the former priests of my church. He told me how my uncle seemed like he was trying to fit in, by letting others who had money use him and that ALWAYS made him feel insecure. I often wonder to myself if my uncle’s reaction to my sexuality was his way of trying to protect me from what he went through OR he didn’t want me to find out about his sexuality? Either way it is comforting knowing THE TRUTH ABOUT LIARS. His actions struck me (literally) the hardest because it is one thing to lie, but it is another to know the truth and try to hide it from the many that would rightly oppress you. He sought to make me lose my way so he could discard his own. Talk about impacted lies huh? Make no mistake; he knew EXACTLY what he was doing. If homosexuality is SO irrelevant, why is he trying to beat me straight? I felt like I had qualified for super villain status that needed to be stopped.

My first FINALLY sought me out a few years ago and apologized for making things SO difficult for me AND he wished that he had seen what I was trying to show him all along. I told him not to worry because my relationship with him made me a better man because it saved me from some potential bad decisions…Most of my friends think that I was CRAZY to accept his apology. But I wouldn’t be who I am if I didn’t…Shows me that I needed to put my story out there because they don’t fully realize that we all have within us the ability to co-create our lives with the universe; and I will be damned if I take this past pain with me into my future…

I KNOW THAT WHEN I SALUTE THE UNITY THAT BINDS US ALL, I AM MORE ABLE TO ACCEPT THE JOURNEY THAT EVERYONE IS ON, FOR ALL PATHS ULTIMATELY LEAD TO THE SAME UNIVERSAL SPIRIT. BEING ABLE TO SEE ONENESS N’ VARIETY @ THE SAME TIME, WHILE IT MAY SEEM PARADOXICAL, IS AN IMPORTANT STEP ON MY PATH TOWARDS ENLIGHTENMENT. MY STORY HAS TAUGHT ME THAT IT IS ONLY THROUGH THE RESPECT OF DIFFERENCES THAT WE BEGIN TO AFFIRM HOW INTERCONNECTED WE ALL ARE…AFTER ALL FORGIVENESS IS NOT MY PROBLEM, FORGETFULNESS IS…



Sunday 04 October 2009

¿DID GOD CREATE THE MIND OR DOES THE MIND CREATE GOD?



Perhaps the biggest issue next to the question of God itself, is did we create him or is he our creator? Materialists, people who believe in Darwin's Natural Selection and deny God, believe God is an illusion that humans have evolved to believe in to help cope with death and the fear of living. Spiritual and Religious people, on the other hand, believe God is superior to all and is hard to understand only because he exists in another realm, a "mystical" realm. Richard Dawkins, premier materialist and Darwin advocate, claims that humans over time evolved spiritual thoughts and a belief of God on their brains to ease the overwhelming emotions of life and to help understand death. That any spiritual thoughts or "visions" are mere abnormalities in the physical brain. But this theory also denies the possibility of life beyond death. If there is no spiritual realm, like he states, then we are but mere biological brainiacs that have evolved to believe in one. That we created God. Yet there are also many large cultures who deeply believe, even feel, that there is a spiritual or other-worldly realm beyond ours. Their evidence is lacking but they claim that what they sense on these spiritual trips is more real than life itself. Very devout faiths like Catholicism, Buddhism, or Hinduism preach that if you follow a spiritual life it is much more fulfilling. Why is that? Is it because we become closer to god? That god created us, and gave us the choice to either believe or ignore him? The human mind has been and remains THE ULTIMATE BLACK BOX in medicine and engineering. And this is NO surprise, since the most complex, modern supercomputer, which can only now be understood barely on a system-level by an individual, remains a "toy" compared to the human brain let alone, say, the brain of a cockroach. In fact, understanding all aspects of the human brain may simply be beyond human understanding. However, despite all of the "miraculous" progress of the 20th century, there are and always will be fundamental limitations. I'm curious as to what other people have to think of this, so please leave me your opinions or related life experiences on this topic.



Saturday 03 October 2009

FAST CAR







"Fast Car" is a Grammy-winning song by the American singer-songwriter Tracy Chapman. It was released on her self-titled 1988 debut album Tracy Chapman. Her appearance on the Nelson Mandela 70th Birthday Tribute was the catalyst for the song becoming a Top 5 hit in the US, peaking at Number 5 on the Hot 100, and a top 10 hit the UK, peaking at Number 6 on the UK chart. The song was nominated for several Grammies including the Grammy for "Song Of The Year" and "Record Of The Year". The song won a Grammy for "Best Female Pop Vocal Performance". The song is a narrative tale of generational poverty. The song's narrator tells the story of her hard life, which begins when her mother divorces her jobless, alcoholic father, forcing the narrator to quit school in order to care for him. Eventually, she leaves her hometown with her boyfriend in hopes of making a better life. Despite her employment at a grocery store, she falls victim to the cycle of poverty, as her life begins to mirror her mother's: her boyfriend remains largely unemployed and becomes an alcoholic. She is left alone with her children while her boyfriend spends time drinking with his friends. Finally, after getting a job that will support her family, she has an epiphany. Despite wishing for a better life, she must make the best of her situation, and tells her boyfriend to take his "fast car and keep on driving." The final refrain is sung in variation, changing from "We gotta make a decision, leave tonight or live and die this way" to "You gotta make a decision, leave tonight or live and die this way."




Friday 02 October 2009

LEE DENIM DAY 2009



Proceeds from the single-day drive go to the Women's Cancer Programs of the Entertainment Industry Foundation, which supports Lee Laboratories, in turn working to find more effective, less toxic treatments for breast cancer; the Breast Cancer Biomarker Discovery Project, an effort to develop a blood test for earlier detection; Right Action for Women, Ms. Applegate's foundation providing aid for people at increased risk for breast cancer who don't have insurance or resources to cover breast screenings; and the National Breast Cancer Coalition to create information resources.

The event started as a way to help Lee give back to its core customer, women. "Not many people talked about breast cancer [in 1996]," Ms. Cahill says, "but a lot of us knew somebody who had been affected. We wanted to help raise awareness."

Working with its agency, Barkley, Kansas City, Mo., Lee decided to tie the cause to its brand. "Everyone was intrigued by the idea that you could create a program that could raise money," says Mike Swenson, exec VP-chief marketing officer at Barkley. "There was no way for us to envision the breadth and depth of what this program means to the cause of breast cancer, what it means to the brand of Lee Jeans. It's that fine line between cause marketing and cause branding."

As officewear became more casual—and breast cancer awareness grew more mainstream, Lee and its agency looked for ways keep Denim Day relevant. One way was through its ambassadors—the spokespeople it uses each year to promote the effort. After several years of using women, Lee turned to actor Rob Lowe as the first male ambassador, a move Mr. Swenson says was "incredibly successful." This year's ambassador, Ms. Applegate, is the first returning ambassador, serving once before to represent her mother, who was fighting for breast cancer, and this year representing her own fight with the disease.

Another way of keeping the effort fresh was to use social media. The Denim Day Website has allowed Lee to open up the event to individual teams. Now, rather than signing up through the workplace, individuals can create their own teams and sign up online. It also allows for more communication on a personal level via the Web site, Facebook and Twitter.

"We're very excited with the opportunities with social media—that's just exploded this year," Ms. Cahill says. "It's a wonderful way to get feedback. We started this program talking to consumers, now we're talking with them. We're building a community where people feel safe sharing concerns [and] looking for resources."

For the first 10 years of Denim Day, Lee remained focused on raising awareness. Now, the company is looking to research learning more about cancer. As part of that, each year it brings leading cancer researchers together to discuss their work so they can share ideas and information -- in fact, Lee may include other cancers in the future. "We've talked about expanding [our emphasis further] to other cancers," Ms Cahill says. "We're very focused on staying true to our core belief that we want to help our core consumer, women who are shopping for the entire family. They're telling us there's more than one type of cancer and how can we find ways to expand out."

Through the years, Lee has been careful to keep the focus on the cause more than the brand. "We wanted this to help our brand by showing [our efforts] helping our customers," Ms. Cahill says. "But we made a very conscious decision not to require people to buy our brand to participate in this event. We didn't want to profit off a horrible disease."
 
That strategy of focus on the cause has paid off both for the cause and for the company. "It is an important part of the Lee brand," says Mr. Swenson. "It absolutely has added a new dimension to their brand that wasn't there 15 years ago. It's an emotional connection, and it's hard to put a price tag on what that means to the brand.



Thursday 01 October 2009

MY SOUL LOOKS BACK…HE WHO LIVED IT KNOWS...



Continuing this soul session of mine brought back SO many feelings…feelings I thought were dead and buried. As I was writing yesterday’s entry, I had to stop a few times and breathe because I felt those old feelings again. You know the ones where your world changes forever? Yep those…So as I continue I hope that the tears don’t cloud my eyes so I can put a clear picture of my story out there…@ that point in my life, my world was affected by my relationship, family and work. You see my first had become SO possessive that it made things difficult to deal with…

@ Home my aunt who I was VERY close to was getting all up in my business. From trying to listen in my conversations on the phone to going through my stuff to see if she could find proof of what the neighbors told her. You see the neighbors were talking about my first and how he LOVES little boys. When I asked him about that he said, “They are not telling the truth and that he would NEVER have sex with a minor.” But I do know this, I was 19 when we met and I was the oldest person he has EVER dated so how dumb does he believe I am? Basically all of friends were high school boys that LOVED hanging out with us… Anyways my aunt was calling me names, telling me how GOD won’t ever do anything good for me as long as I am living this way…And to be honest for a LONG time I believed her…I lived thinking that something was wrong with me and that I was the most horrible thing on the face of this planet. There were days when we didn’t speak to each other because it was better that way. That meant that I got some freedom from being told about the bible and the various verses she felt I needed to hear…It is safe to say that I didn’t know what to do or where to turn, this is a woman that grew me up, she was there when my mom had to work so she was like a second mother to me…But all in all I kept my cool because I felt that one should ALWAYS respect their elders. Well that changed one night when I was on the phone with my first. My aunt was on one of her let me check on this abomination of God before I head to bed mission. I was in my mother’s room watching TV and talking on the phone. She then came and started her usual stuff…saying things like, “I bet you on that phone talking to that man,” I ignored it and she noticed so she kept going on and on. I took nothing she said until she said the words that changed EVERYTHING…I WISH YOU GET AIDS! Something inside me woke up and I was like what did you say? She said you heard me; I was like okay well FUCK YOU & FUCK WHAT THE NEIGHBORS THINK! I was tired of this shit. Here I am trying to find me and these people won’t let me. So she got all upset how could I curse her and I am SO disrespectful. I was like well you cursed me by wishing a deadly disease on me. Of course that flew over her head…

So she decided to get my uncle involved…the one who she knew I HATED because he was VERY abusive and ignorant. @ First when he approached me, he asked me, “How old are you now?” He the said, “you should know right from wrong” and left it there. I breathe a sigh of relief because there was something inside me that knew I couldn’t OR wouldn’t turn back now…I was finding me…So later that week my first and I was down town about to cross the streets when out of no where this car came charging @ us like it was going to hit us…it was my uncle…he just went speeding down the streets and we went about our business and that was that so I thought…The next day he came to our house and started making all sort of noise about what the people tell him but he didn’t believe it until he saw us in town. He then told me that that ONLY reason he didn’t hit us with the car is because his wife and child were there. He started getting in my face about me being a sissy and I didn’t back down (which angered him even more). He kept going on and on and every time he threw something @ me I hit it back @ him…So he then asked the question that every dumb hetero male asks, WHO IS THE MAN & WHO IS THE WOMAN? I looked @ him and said, WELL THIS IS A HOLIDAY WEEKEND & WE ARE GOING TO RENT A PLACE TO RELAX, WHEN I KNOW WHERE WE ARE, I WILL CALL YOU LET YOU KNOW THE ROOM NUMBER & YOU CAN SIT N’ WATCH & THEN TELL ME WHO YOU THINK IS THE MAN & WOMAN. As soon as those words left my mouth, he flew into a rage and came toward me as I was sitting directly in front of him. He lifted up the chair with me in it and let it drop to the ground…I fell out of it on my side, he rushed to me held me down and started punching all over my body. I couldn’t move all I could do was take his abuse and anger. It was like everything was going in slow motion…I can recall my sister trying to pull him off me and my aunt grabbing her and holding her down saying, “if this is what your brother wants, this is what he should expect.” It is safe to say that I changed that day because I couldn’t believe a Christian would say something like that. After doing what he wanted to me, my uncle left. My mom, and other two uncles started making noise about how they are going to kill my first and all that stuff and I was like huh? I mean I am the same person they knew who got good grades in school, who ALWAYS did what he was told. So how is that I am SO dumb to be doing this to hurt them? (Their thoughts…) So I left went to meet my first and he was outraged and him being a police officer he wanted to react but I wouldn’t let him. I told him violence only brings more violence. First time he listened to me and did something that I asked of him. I only thank God that the marks inflicted on me were not in places visible by the public.

The second and last time my uncle came to attack me I was ready…he hit me, I hit him back…he got all excited and went to look for his baseball bat. @ that time I was ready to die, because I wasn’t going to let him bully me because he ordered me NOT to see my first anymore…He came @ me swinging the bat I ducked and my mother came running in the room and got in his way…He demanded that she move because he is going to put me in the hospital and if I refuse to obey his wishes, he will put back in the hospital until I stop seeing my first. My mother refused to move; though I begged her to…I was like if he thinks he could bully me he has another thing coming. He then swung the bat again hitting her on the arm. She got in his face and said, “I allowed you to come here and do what you wanted the first time, I won’t let this happen again.” He flew into a rage about how she has 2 daughters and she is only encouraging me in this mess. She was like, “I am not encouraging anything, he is his own man and he has to live his life.” After that day I moved out for a few weeks and went back home when things were calm. I thought to myself that @ least I had work to give me some peace…right? WRONG! My life had caught up with me because as soon as I walked in the door my co-worker called me and asked me if I was gay? I asked her why she wanted to know? She said, “Well the managers in the company thinks that you are and they are not going to keep you.” I was like huh? (This was the day that probation came to an end and I was going to be told if I was going to have a job or not). I told her that I am gay and if they wanted to fire then let them. About lunch time the managing director called me into her office, told me what a wonderful job I was doing and that they are pleased with my performance. She then went onto say that they don’t need any scandals brought into the company and that we all have a responsibility to make sure that we protect the company. Then she said it, “we know you are gay and we are going to keep you, but you need to keep that away from the office.” I was lost and she then said, “What makes you think I am gay?” She then said, “We see this guy hanging around all the time and NO man hangs with another man unless something is going on.” I was shocked didn’t know what to say because what I tried to protect myself from found me. I told my first and he got upset saying that it doesn’t matter what they say because I don’t need to work for them or anyone. So he kept coming around which was against my wishes. The next day my co-worker came to me and told me that the ONLY reason they didn’t fire me is because they didn’t want a lawsuit on their hands. My mind wasn’t there, but now that she mentioned it, I held it close…From that day forth they let me know that they didn’t like me OR what I represent for the 3 years I was there…I wasn’t allowed personal calls because a man should have men calling for him like that, I had a manager that wanted to hit me because I asked him a question and when we went to functions I would get things like oh do you know him because he is gay?  I HATED going to work and for years and I was ANGRY for SO many years. I could remember my walking home one day being upset when for no reason and it was @ that time that I realized that things that happened to me had changed me. I made a point to take what others did to me and turn it into something positive. I did that until the day they fired me…I can remember the day I got fired…it was SO crazy. You see the receptionist got upset because I asked her if she needed the young lady I was training for my old position as I had been tossed a bone by them finally giving me the accounting position I begged for. You see they fired the former receptionist who got promote to that position even though she was NOT qualified. So I tried to get it and they put a few road blocks. I was told that they need to see how well I did with college first (I got a B+ for my first accounting course), then they told me that weren’t going to advertise (so my co-workers helped me find someone to fill my post), then after training her for 2 weeks they told me to give them a few days to sort out my appointment as they are discussing salary and things like that…But I digress, let’s get back to the receptionist and me…after she told me about myself and that I had no right to ask her any questions she left it @ that…I was VERY upset and my co-worker came to me asking me what’s going on because she could hear her I was like I have NO idea. I said she is just being a bitch which was heard by another co-worker who was her good buddy. So naturally she ran to her and told her what I said. My co-worker came to me and asked me to talk to the receptionist and apologize even though I did nothing wrong. I did it and she was like okay, but I report you already, I was like okay, “whatever my fate is I will have to accept it.” The next day my manager called me into her office and told me that they are letting me go. I was like huh? I asked her why and she said to me, “the labor department says we don’t have to give you a reason, so please clear out your desk and leave the premises.”(Which turns out to be true btw).  I did as I was told and left…That day changed me as far as jobs are concerned. I can say until about 3 years that I never trusted anyone on a job and I always thought they were going to find out that I am gay and they will fire me or something.

By this time my first and I were broken up (funny how he got me started but wasn’t around to hold me up huh?) I ended things after finding out about his stealing money from me and others, to his lying and cheating (though I never had proof about the cheating) to his immature games (dude would call me and threatened to kill himself on a few occasions) after a while I stopped going to his place because I felt like I was going crazy. He was just saying those things to get my attention. Now that I think about it, I realized that played a dangerous game because he could have very well taken my life…But like they say when it is your time, it is your time…But as crazy as all this has been, I am glad that went through all of this because it showed me so many things about life and myself…STAY FOR THE CONCLUSION…




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