TANGIBLE DISCONNECTIONS…

As humans we are grounded and comforted by the support system we have in family and friends. We rely on those within our community to help us and be there in times of joy AND sorrow. However, living in this world, humanity has LOST that sense of being each other’s keeper; and it has created a rift among us that will take all of us to repair. Though this rift bothers me because it is destroying the world on as a whole, it BOTHERS ME EVEN MORE WHEN I SEE THE TANGIBLE DISCONNECTIONS WITHIN THE GAY COMMUNITY; WE HAVE A TERRIBLE LACK OF UNITY!

Because of the lack of knowing who we are coupled with pettiness, MOST of us have NO problems selling out a fellow gay man/woman. Why is that? Why is it SO easy?

Just the other day a friend of mine who happens to be a lesbian was fighting for her right to hold onto her sexuality. You see she has a long time friend of hers that is going through a nasty divorce and her husband is trying to use her sexuality as a tool in the divorce. Despite me begging my friend NOT to get involved, she being who she is couldn’t help but offer her support even though this friend of hers pretty much threw away their friendship years ago. I guess she came to the only person she knew would help her no matter what. However in the process her husband would follow her and bring MAJOR drama along with him. Him not knowing my friend and the fact that he could NOT intimidate her got to him. He made threats but was NEVER man enough to lay a finger on her…though she wished he did…

One day things came to a boiling point and she phoned me…she told me that he came to the Salvation Army property where she volunteers and was bringing drama unlike anything she has seen before. So I went to meet her and by the time I got there he was gone. I took her to the police station for her to lodge a complaint. After that he started following her everywhere she went…she wasn’t afraid, but it did keep her on her guard. After a few days she decided to bind him over the peace (get a restraining order against him). He then in turn returned her with the same sentiment and this is when things turned interesting…

You see she had NO idea that he would bring a fellow lesbian to testify about her character during the court case. When she realized this, she was HIGHLY upset. Not because she had something to hide, but because she COULDN’T believe that a gay person would do something like this to another. This lady got on the stand and lied through her teeth and I find it SO amazing…guess we all want to belong and when we get our chance to be kinda accepted by society, we just grab it…right? Nonetheless, to this VERY day she still is hurt by that. I kept trying to tell her that you can’t hold people against themselves when you really think long and hard about humanity. Even though she has won her case against this man, I think that this has placed a cap on her willingness to help others…ESPECIALLY if her sexuality comes into the equation. After losing her job for being an activist for gay rights and having those who marched with her leave her behind when she needed their support, shouldn’t she tire of the tire marks from that damn bus?

Though I am ALL for unity, I’ve come to realize that it simply wont happen for us in the gay community, but given a reason to stand up and fight I will! I unlike her am not surprised by the actions of those around us in the community. I retained my optimism and freed myself from the need to focus on specific probabilities by opening my heart AND mind to a wide variety of possible outcomes for us. I figure if I free myself of this notion, it becomes easier to enjoy the day when we realize how profoundly blessed we are.

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YOU'D RATHER DATE A GUY THAT'S....

¿WELL ENDOWED?

OR...

¿HAS A BABY PRICK?

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¿CAN GAY & STRAIGHT MEN EVER HAVE A REAL HONEST FRIENDSHIP/ALLIANCE?

The idea of homosexuality, and of men dealing with it, can be a natural AND contemporary thing; and though there are honest bonds between straight AND homosexual men, I tend to befriend men that are homosexual in nature. Now I know that cannot be a healthy way to live, but living in a world where I am NOT seen as a valuable member of the male species can you blame me? I’ve learned over the years how to compartmentalize my sexuality AND avoid creating any type of friendship with hetero men. As a self assured gay man, the idea of giving the hetero man that much power over me is unsettling; and I’ve often wondered if there ever will be a way to TRULY NORMALIZE friendships/alliances between homosexual AND homosexual men?

Homosexual and heterosexual men have ALWAYS had a strained relationship. One of the biggest strains if NOT THE SINGLE BIGGEST STRAIN between us is caused by the confusion about our outright disregard for the sexual boundaries of heterosexual men. Homosexual expression between adult men has always been thought of as a minority occurrence, so while homosexual males have to deal with straight males throughout their lives, heterosexual males have limited experience dealing with male homosexuality. Further, for the better part of human history, homosexual expression between adult men has been forbidden or scorned, so heterosexual males weren’t supposed to know how to deal with male homosexuality. So with homosexuality going against the rules, is there a need to establish rules for interacting socially with homosexuals?

If we as men are to interact as peers and friends in a society that forbids homosexuality, how does one establish some universal ground rules when it is only acceptable to appreciate a hetero man from a distance? Be it your personal barber OR doctor, it is BIG NO-NO to offer him an innocent compliment, no matter the nature of the accolade. A friendly handshake with a slight hug is usually accepted, but anything beyond that WILL be misconstrued as a sexual advance and it WILL run the risk of taking things in the area feared by both hetero and homo men alike. But what is this area exactly? Moreover, why does it exist?

The reason it exists is one of THE BIGGEST stereotype of all. The notion that most gay men can’t OR don’t refrain from hitting on straight men is simply NOT TRUE! The REAL stereotype is the tendency for them to see us ONLY through the lens of sexual orientation. Despite THE FACT that some homosexual males like to imagine they could “turn” any straight man OR that all straight men secretly have homosexual fantasies…they have NO right to place all of us in that box…And the same thing can be said for the homosexual that take advantage of THE FACT, that some straight men are more “available” than others…If we are to establish a common ground with each other instead of just making assumptions about one another, isn’t time that we open our minds to the fact that sexuality though it may be a scary thing, is THE most human element we all share?

But before we can share this element with each other, we need to establish THE ONE element that is essential to any meaningful friendship and that’s TRUST! We need to be able to trust that we aren’t scheming to secretly poke him in the butt AND that he isn’t trying to put a knife in ours…By building TRUST, both sides can understand AND respect each other’s sexuality…Until then, I will stay in my compartmentalized part of the world…

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¿DID GOD GIVE HUMANITY THE WARMTH & COMPASSION TO ACCEPT HOMOSEXUALS?

I was sent this article by Q. DEON with the title: IF GOD HAD WANTED ME TO BE ACCEPTING OF GAYS, HE WOULD HAVE GIVEN ME THE WARMTH & COMPASSION TO DO SO. It was written By Jane Kendricks of theonion…READ IT & LET ME KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ARE…

I don't question God. The Lord is my Shepherd and I shall put none above Him. Which is why I know that if it were part of God's plan for me to stop viciously condemning others based solely on their sexual preference, He would have seen fit—in His infinite wisdom and all—to have given me the tiniest bit of human empathy necessary to do so.

It's a simple matter of logic, really. God made me who I am, and who I am is a cold, anti-gay zealot. Thus, I abhor gay people because God made me that way. Why is that so hard to understand?

Here, let's start with the basic facts: I hate and fear gay people. The way they feel is different from how I feel, and that causes me a lot of confusion and anger. Everyone knows God is all-powerful. He could easily have given me the capacity to investigate what's behind those feelings rather than tell strangers in the park they're going to hell for holding hands. But God clearly has another path for me. And who am I to question His divine will?

Compassion, tolerance, understanding, basic decency, the ability to put myself in another person's position: God could have endowed me with any of those traits and yet—here is the crucial part—He didn't. Why? Because the Creator of the Universe wants me to demonize homosexuals in an effort to strip them of their fundamental human rights.

I'm sorry, but you can't possibly ask me to explain everything God does. He works in mysterious ways, remember?

Try to understand. If I were capable of thinking and acting any other way, then I'm sure I would, but God seems to be quite adamant about this one. He's just not budging at all. So unless our almighty Lord and Savior decides to change His mind about my ability to empathize on even the most basic level—which I find highly unlikely—then everyone is just going to have to accept the fact that I'm going to keep on hating homosexuals. And I know that He will fill me with the strength to remain mindless and hurtful in the face of adversity.

Which isn't to say that my faith hasn't been tested. Believe me, there have been times when I've drifted from the bitter and terrified life God has chosen for me. When my younger brother told me he was gay, it shook my faith to its very core. But here I am, 27 years later, still refusing to take his calls. Just the way God intended.

It's actually pretty astonishing how many complaints to the school board you can make regarding the new band teacher you've never met when you are filled with the Light of Christ and devoid of any real kindness or mercy toward His other children.

At the end of the day, I'm just trying to lead a good Christian life. That means going to church on Sunday, following the Ten Commandments, and fighting what I believe to be a sexual abomination through a series of petty actions and bitter comments made under my breath. Sure, I sometimes wish God would just reach into my heart and give me the ability to treat all people with, at the very least, the decency and respect they deserve as human beings. But unfortunately for that new couple who moved in three houses down, He hasn't yet.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have God's work to do.

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THE WANDA SYKES SHOW

Emmy Award-winning actress, comedian and author Wanda Sykes returns to FOX to host the innovative and irreverent new Saturday late-night series, THE WANDA SYKES SHOW. This series premieres TONIGHT!!!

A new weekly late-night series, THE WANDA SYKES SHOW will feature Sykes' personal take on the events of the week punctuated by field pieces and produced comedy segments. Everything from news, politics, sports and pop culture will get examined from a point of view not currently offered on television. Each Saturday, Sykes will lead a discussion with regular panelists, famous friends and whole lot of folks you wouldn't expect to find on television. In a wry and lively conversation about the overwrought, overlooked and the latest complete non-controversies, THE WANDA SYKES SHOW is a talk show for the rest of us...SO TUNE IN & FIND OUT WHAT WANDA HAS TO SAY…

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TIME AFTER TIME

"Time After Time" was a single by singer Cyndi Lauper, the second from her album She's So Unusual. It reached number one on the U.S. Billboard Hot 100 chart on June 9, 1984^[1], and remained there for two weeks. Worldwide, the song is her most commercially successful single after "Girls Just Want to Have Fun," and reached number 3 on the UK Singles Chart and number 6 on the ARIA Singles Chart.

"Time After Time" was nominated for "Song of the Year" at the 1985 Grammy Awards.^[2] The ballad is considered a classic of the 1980s and is still played frequently on adult contemporary radio. The song is known for its numerous covers by a wide range of artists.

Lauper co-wrote "Time After Time" with Philadelphia rocker Rob Hyman of The Hooters, who also supplied backup vocals to the song. In a 2006 interview with Sound Off with Matt Pinfield (episode 212) on HDNet, Lauper related how the song was written. She indicated much of the lyrics were written about occurrences in the studio and her life at the time. The line "the second hand unwinds" referred to producer Rick Chertoff's watch which was winding backwards.

The video for "Time After Time" was about a runaway leaving her lover behind. The video opens with Lauper watching the 1936 film The Garden of Allah. Lauper sings (signs) the title of the song to the deaf as she is leaving the train station. The video was played in heavy rotation on MTV. Lauper's mother, brother, and then-boyfriend David Wolff appear in the video, and Lou Albano, who played her father in the "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" video, can be seen as a cook. The video was directed by Edd Griles. Portions of the video were filmed at the now closed Tom's Diner in Roxbury, the intersection of Central Ave & Main St in Wharton, New Jersey, and at the Morristown train station.

When I hear this song, it reminds how we should release ourselves and allow LOVE to unfold naturally. We often get so caught up in trying to direct and control it that we become frustrated when it doesn’t cooperate with our desires. Our willingness to step back and allow LOVE to orchestrate universe in our favor, can only come TIME AFTER TIME…

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OLDIE, BUT GOODIE: ATL GAY PRIDE

WHEN I WROTE THIS BLOG ENTRY, I THOUGHT LONG & HARD ABOUT WRITING THIS BECAUSE I HATE BEING NEGATIVE…MY GOING TO PLACES WHERE I SOCIALIZE WITH SAME-SEX INDIVIDUALS ALWAYS LEAVE ME WITH MATERIAL FOR MY BLOG. I DON’T KNOW THAT’S A GOOD THING, BUT IT IS WHAT IS…I HOPE THAT THOSE OF YOU THAT READ THIS CAN DO SO WITH AN OPEN MIND BECAUSE IT WAS WRITTEN WITH AN OPEN HEART…

Back in the 1950s and 1960s, the only place that it was safe for GAYS & LESBIANS to gather was GAY bars. In the 1960s, the police would often raid these bars and arrest the patrons. Back then, there were laws on the books that said it was illegal to wear more than two pieces of clothing of the opposite sex. Police would arrest men for wearing dresses and women for wearing pants. One day in June of 1969, the patrons of the Stonewall Inn in Greenwich Village, New York decided they were not going to put up with the police raiding their bars any longer. When the police came, the bar patrons fought back. That event has gone down in history as the Stonewall Riots. Ever since, GAYS, LESBIANS, BISEXUALS & TRANSGENDER people celebrate pride and call for basic civil rights by commemorating Stonewall. Across the US and all over the world, GAYS & LESBIANS remember the brave men and women of Stonewall in GAY PRIDE celebrations. However in Atlanta I feel that the celebrations there actually warrant the treatment of that in the 1950s and 1960s. 

Atlanta is the capital and the most populous city of the state of Georgia, and the core city of the ninth most populous metropolitan area in the United States. Every Labor Day Holiday weekend thousands of SGLP gather for what in my opinion should be a celebration of the struggles those before us endured. I have heard stories about the things that go on @ events during this time in Atlanta and got an opportunity to see it first-hand. I find it sad that they honor STRONG N’ FIT bodies for SEXUAL reasons and not for the reasons intended by those that came before us. When an individual is seen as STRONG N’ FIT others within society does not see HIM/HER as a WEAKLING rather they are seen as the MEN & WOMEN that they are. The amount of CRUISING & FUCKING that goes on is rather SAD because I am sure @ least 80% of them are not protecting themselves. The homosexual of color is not involved in the events that non-colored folks arrange and get into. TOPS DOWN & BOTTOMS UP is the order of the day. @ The mall, the parking lots in the club and the parks are all used as opportunities to get off. I am aware that not every single MAN or WOMAN that go to Atlanta for GAY PRIDE get involve in such activity; after all I didn’t…I am saying that the majority of the persons there are seeking such activities. It’s as if they don’t know that GAY PRIDE refers to a world wide movement and philosophy asserting that lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender individuals should be proud of their sexual orientation and gender identity. I wish they understood that the movement has three main purposes: THAT PEOPLE SHOULD BE PROUD OF THEIR SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER IDENTITY, THAT SEXUAL DIVERSITY IS A GIFT & THAT SEXUAL ORIENTATION & GENDER IDENTITY ARE INHERENT & CANNOT BE INTENTIONALLY ALTERED.

NOW @ THE WATERING HOLE…THE PLACE WHERE ALL HOMOSEXUAL COME TOGETHER AS ONE COMMUNITY IN CELEBRATION OF EACH TURNS OUT TO BE A PLACE THE MIRRORS THE WATERING HOLE IN NATURE. I feel that I came to Atlanta to PENETRATE THE DARKNESS & SHED SOME LIGHT on my fellow KIN BROTHERS & SISTERS. One would think that WE would recognize animals as teachers and see their traits as something that we should emulate entirely. After all we are the domestic creatures, the ones that a step above the animals. Nonetheless, the behavior displayed leaves a lot to be desired. I wish that HOMOSEXUALS knew that they are STRONGER than they know. We have the capacity to cope successfully with life's challenges far outstripping OUR feeling that we need to. We have the opportunity to spread OUR wings and fly. We are different but we display the bad things that make us this way to the world. Mere words cannot describe how I wish we could be right now; we should be the LIGHT that has conquered the darkness by pushing it out of the way. We have to go into the darkness and transform it with brilliant, positive energy. However, this is not the case GAY PRIDE is wasted every year and the community does not move forward. THIS EVENT IS USED AS A TIME WHEN WE EMBRACE OUR FELLOW MAN BECAUSE WE WANT TO GET IN HIS PANTS. WE COMPETE AGAINST EACH OTHER FOR ALL THE WRONG REASONS WHICH DOES NOT MAKE US ANY BETTER THAN THE OTHER. SO NOW I ASK HOW DO WE CHANGE THINGS? HOW DO WE TAKE US TO THE NEXT LEVEL? HOW DO WE HONOR THE REAL REASON FOR GAY PRIDE?

 

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IN THE HOMOSEXUAL COMMUNITY: ¿DO LESBIANS EPITOMIZE THE HETERO-STEREOTYPE?

Was there ever a time when lesbians were just lesbians? In the homosexual community most HATE labels, but lesbians tend to use them so often and follow the attributes of such labels to the point where they imitate a heterosexual relationship in a lot of ways. I pose this question, because I’ve been wondering if we are SO stuck in our own stereotypes that we have a misconstrued idea of what a relationship actually is?

A relationship is two individuals who relate to each other and grow into whatever they want it to be. If two women choose to be in a relationship with each other, and one of them is perceived as masculine and the other feminine, shouldn’t we ask ourselves what EXACTLY is masculine and feminine? Moreover, shouldn’t we ask who decides what is masculine OR feminine? Aren’t you tired of likening such a relationship to that of one that is heterosexual? In their quest to feel normal, do they need to be like heterosexuals to validate their relationship?

That masculine/feminine energy that we feel is needed is the same reason why SO many of us can’t sustain worthwhile relationships because we keep questioning ourselves when we know who we are AND who we want to be with. Aren’t we doing enough harm to our community? Aren’t we creating a taboo within a taboo? Can we stop bashing each other to the point of no return?

I am not a lesbian, but I can safely say that part of being a lesbian is about having a sexual attraction to women. I don't know when the labels or types of lesbian women started, but when you're attracted to a woman, whether masculine/feminine, she is still a woman…RIGHT? There is NOTHING written in stone that anyone should place themselves in roles that control what they should be in the relationship. And if we are to ever have a CLEAR understanding of what should be in a lesbian relationship, let us REMEMBER that a man can NEVER be in a lesbian relationship!

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